Lovin is what I got.

15 February
Are you tired of all those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always
sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a
series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Eric: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Red : Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you… is because you're a dumbass.
- That 70s Show